Nights with a New Baby - A Test of Character

It's a girl!

My daughter, my first child, was born just a couple of days ago. I'm really excited. She's very cute, surprisingly mild-mannered, and I'm very happy she's here. She was born in the early evening, after a relatively brief (*) but intense labor. As the traditional phrasing goes, both mother and baby are doing fine.

On the very first night of her life, I found myself facing a test of character that I hadn't expected.

Let me say that my wife is a baby expert. When she babysits "difficult" babies for friends, those babies are calm. She's known how to change diapers for years. She knows what all of the little baby-related gadgets are, and why you'd want them in the first place. Up until about a week ago, I knew that the smaller holes in a diaper were for legs, and the bigger one was for the rest of the baby.

A few hours after the baby was born, about ten o'clock, we were settled in to sleep. The nurses had left the room for the first time since that morning. Our daughter was settled into her crib, snug and swaddled. My exhausted, sore wife was resting in bed. I was tired too, and ready for sleep.

I don't remember when--details from that evening are sketchy in my memory, times even more so, though there was a large glowing digital clock on the wall of the room--but not long after we had all closed our eyes, my baby girl began to fuss. I rolled out of bed, changed her diaper, calmed her, and put her back to sleep. What a great father!

The test started two hours later. More fussing. I'm almost certain I was awake the moment her fussing turned to crying. But I was so comfortable in bed, and had enjoyed my sleep so much. I realized that if I just stayed where I was, eyes closed, my wife would get out of bed and take care of our daughter. After all, she was probably hungry, and there's not much I could do about that.

The alternative was to get out of bed, make sure our little girl was really hungry (not just, say, in need of changing), and carry her over to my wife, saving her the trouble of moving her sore, tired body more than she needed to.

The test got repeated several times later that night. It might be more accurate to say that other parts of the test came early the next morning.

From the very first time I faced that test, I knew that the answer I gave would reinforce the answer I would give every time. I could choose to love and honor my wife (**), or I could choose to love myself (***). As it happens, I chose to love and honor my wife.

My little girl won't remember what happened in the first few hours of her life. She will never know exactly what went through my head as I made those choices (****). But I hope that when she is faced with tests of her character, she will choose the path that loves and honors others.

* In our pre-birth classes, we heard that the average first-time mother labors for 12-14 hours. Less than ten hours of active labor is "relatively brief".
** I don't believe our vows actually included the traditional phrase "love, honor, and cherish". Though that's a big part of what each promised the other.
*** The word "honor" was intentionally omitted. Choosing sleep over service here would be demonstrating that I give myself more honor than I give my wife, but at the same time it would be to act in such a way as to dishonor myself.
**** I don't remember exactly, so try as I might, I would not be able to tell anyone. I could give a good representation, but not an exact representation. Besides, trying to tell anyone what goes through my head is usually quite an interesting exercise...